When we measure abuse or harmful behavior by length of time endured rather than it's impact, we affirm the belief that everyone must endure it for an unspoken amount of time before acting. 

I first want to apologize for the possibility of my work ever being weaponized by those who cause harm. I see the way people are actively attacking DEI and fear my work may lead them to believe I align with their harmful beliefs. I do not.

People who believe in anti-Blackness aren't always able to tout their beliefs proudly and loudly. Most wait in the shadows for seemingly "justified opportunities". When these opportunities arise they run quickly to them and are loud about why Black people deserve to be dehumanized and more. Ryan Ken (@ryan_ken_acts) made a really good video of White people's reaction to Will Smith's slap and how they fantasized of an opportunity to double down on their disdain for us. I can't find it but if you do please send it to me.

Join me in a quick moment of celebration and grief. 

Being Black isn't a crime or a death sentence or an act deserving of punishment but the harmful behaviors perpetuated through the hate of Black people, make it so. When we pretend that these White centering and seeking behaviors are a sure way towards success, we gateway greater harm. We permit harm towards others, ourselves, and our communities. Promoting “foot in the door” antics in any form is harmful.

I recently shared with a client that I don’t use the words “allies”, “ally” or “allyship” in my work. I have said this before but I refuse to use language that I don’t know or I don't agree with the origin of.

Dangling a carrot in front of somebody who is starving is exploitative. It's fucked up. It is a way to get somebody to do something that they wouldn't normally have done, because you are promising to provide something. You know that the individuals you're inviting need money, so you saying it as an incentive so that we show up is exploitative and manipulative. Don't do that.

The announcement of Dr. Claudine Gay's resignation from Harvard reminds me of the amazing interview I had with Dr. Janice Asare Gassam where she authentically shared she got her PHD to "move closer to Whiteness".

The centering of Whiteness, White experiences and White feelings is excruciatingly apparent in those books. Thinness is mentioned often throughout the pieces along with the tying of monetary hoarding to success. There’s absolutely no mention of race, sexual orientation, gender beyond the binary or life outside of marriage, motherhood, business and?

In my work on psychological safety, I constantly note the needed foundations for safe relationships: trust, honesty, respect and the prioritization of safety throughout. They are all intertwined and it is almost impossible to have one without the other. Yet we see these seemingly basic human needs being dismissed by people in positions of power daily.

The people that do need advocacy are the people stating the harms or bringing harms to your attention, or having a trying to have a conversation with you on how to best move forward in the relationship, and you advocating for someone who's not even a part of the relationship is telling to say the least.

Without space for White people to do what they need to do, we are constantly expected to hold this space and to tolerate their stunted emotional maturity around their history. I want and they need a White History Month.

It’s literally titled How to deal with remote work microaggressions but goes on and on about “allyship”. It basically just lists all the microaggressions they can think of for various communities and drops BIPOC as many times as possible. Who are y’all talking to? Lola Bakare (She/Her) shared similar feelings after receiving an email entitled “Want to Be an Ally to Black Women? from Lean In. Lola shared that “another great way to be an ally is to acknowledge your Black subscribers exist.” Both examples credit the writing to the brand and not a specific writer or group of writers. If your target audience is cis White people, you should say that.

Often people are not able to get past question one. I also make sure to let them know that I have no interest in being hospitalized. A therapist dedicated to providing adequate care and ensuring those in search of care are able to receive the care they need would be able to provide honest answers. Not all therapists are good therapists. It’s better to know that before building a harmful relationship with a bad one.

Many creators in my circle have had the same experiences. I think the most telling part for me, is their Top Voices choices along with the choices they choose to amplify on their own page, it’s always the same types of professionals. LinkedIn has also began prioritizing TikTok stars instead of those who create exclusively on their platform.

Rahimeh Ramenzany (She/Her) was a guest on my podcast, Absolutely Not!, almost 2 years ago. She was an absolute delight and she is the reason I have my name pronunciation visible in a lot of places.