Relationships, amiright? Just the word makes a lot of people run for the hills. What we run from is the thought of defining them. We’re running from the intimate conversations needed to maintain and acknowledge our relationships — and to manage our fears and insecurities in relationships.

No contact is a strategy in order to cut ties with a narcissist, sociopath or other emotional manipulator. No contact works because it stops giving energy to the unsafe relationships. Narcissists need “punching bags” because they refuse to self-regulate, acknowledge their own emotions or stop abusive behaviors. There’s a lot of terminology associated with this topic and Dr. Ramani Durvasula (She/Her) provides a lot of in depth explanations on it all.

I have been Queer my entire life.

I never got the chance to “come out” because I’ve always been me. I shared a lot about my thoughts on “coming out” and my journey on Chris Angel (they/them) Murphy’s podcast Allyship Is A Verb. Last year, I used the word Queer for the first time publicly to describe myself because I was assumed an ally. For me Queerness is the ability to move freely outside of the boxes they’d like to put us in. It’s permission to love and be loved exactly as you are. I have been Queer my entire life!

This thinking stems from the frequent use of the Body Mass Index (BMI). The same system used by the military. Heather Irobunda, MD, FACOG (She/Her) and Sabrina Strings, Ph.D. (She/Her) speak frequently on how this system is outdated, rooted in White supremacy and not an indicator of health or wellness.

They created a video describing the history of the system and how it still causes harm til this day. This video not only promotes self-advocacy in all spaces but also solidifies the fact that….. Fatphobia is Anti-Blackness.

There are a lot of people who believe even if you are trans you must choose and take part in the binary in order to identify as trans. They believe people who refuse to choose should not be allowed to identify as trans until they do. There are also people who believe you should not be able to identify as trans unless you partake in Gender-Affirming Hormone Therapy (GAHT) and Gender Affirming Surgery.

The next time someone says PTSD and your brain automatically pulls up a cis White man who is also a combat veteran , challenge it to think of anyone else. Challenge it to think of a trans person who has been disowned by their family for transitioning or a Black person who just had to watch another Black person be murdered. Think about who is defining trauma and why they are defining it this way.

You're walking in with all these firm boundaries that really aren't based in humanity or connection, and then you're saying that you know how things are going. The reality is there's a wealth of research, there's a wealth of scholarship, and I'm sure, we've both seen, in person, when folks call themselves neutral very often, they're the exact opposite of it.

We are not all educators and should not all be expected to be. I love talking about boundaries because they make it so easy to see how harmful people truly are after setting them. Thank you so much Jessica for reminding us of the boundaries we are allowed to set! In this episode we discuss: -Why Blackness in the workplace is different -Knowing that it's not you, it’s them -How documentation is key to being safe