Relationships, amiright? Just the word makes a lot of people run for the hills. What we run from is the thought of defining them. We’re running from the intimate conversations needed to maintain and acknowledge our relationships — and to manage our fears and insecurities in relationships.

No contact is a strategy in order to cut ties with a narcissist, sociopath or other emotional manipulator. No contact works because it stops giving energy to the unsafe relationships. Narcissists need “punching bags” because they refuse to self-regulate, acknowledge their own emotions or stop abusive behaviors. There’s a lot of terminology associated with this topic and Dr. Ramani Durvasula (She/Her) provides a lot of in depth explanations on it all.

I have been Queer my entire life.

I never got the chance to “come out” because I’ve always been me. I shared a lot about my thoughts on “coming out” and my journey on Chris Angel (they/them) Murphy’s podcast Allyship Is A Verb. Last year, I used the word Queer for the first time publicly to describe myself because I was assumed an ally. For me Queerness is the ability to move freely outside of the boxes they’d like to put us in. It’s permission to love and be loved exactly as you are. I have been Queer my entire life!

Impact is always going to be more important. The impact that you have left on that person, now that they feel unsafe and harmed is more important than what you intended to do or how you intended your behavior to come across.

There are a lot of people who believe even if you are trans you must choose and take part in the binary in order to identify as trans. They believe people who refuse to choose should not be allowed to identify as trans until they do. There are also people who believe you should not be able to identify as trans unless you partake in Gender-Affirming Hormone Therapy (GAHT) and Gender Affirming Surgery.

This language saves lives. It allows people to feel safe enough to be their full selves. It creates spaces for people to share the language they’d like used when speaking about their own individual bodies. Without similar language people like those who have been showcased in this article will feel unsafe, excluded and discouraged to speak up. Remember to always be critical of who’s being centered and to ensure you’re being as inclusive as possible with your language in order to create safer spaces for everyone to thrive in.

You're walking in with all these firm boundaries that really aren't based in humanity or connection, and then you're saying that you know how things are going. The reality is there's a wealth of research, there's a wealth of scholarship, and I'm sure, we've both seen, in person, when folks call themselves neutral very often, they're the exact opposite of it.